Apr 20, 2020 Diary entry: Hey everybody, come on in, I’m glad you could make it, I’m in the kitchen baking up some of my famous Googee Cookies, they really aren’t famous, they are only known around the Paulie household, but they are exquisitely delicious and they come from an ancient family recipe, not really, I use a standard number nine 30-20-30 ratio cookie dough laid out in the stock grade format, I found some old sheet metal in the garage and I cut some wide strips with the tin snips, then I fashioned a cookie cutter that cuts the dough in the shape of a flower, when the cookies are done baking they look like fat daisies which I frost with white icing and I put a fancy yellow bloom in the middle like you might see on an expensive wedding cake, my cookies look extraordinary in every way possible, they are reminiscent of a rare jungle flower that blooms only once a year and all the floriculturists travel across the earth to gaze upon the rarest of sights, not really, if they looked that awesome, I wouldn’t call them Googee cookies for heaven’s sake, they are simply flower-looking things with white icing and a dollop of yellow icing in the middle, not much to look at, but the dogs and I like them, so it’s cookie baking day here on the Avenue, we are holding cookie baking day in conjunction with laundry day, as we need something to do while we wait for each batch to come out of the oven, the routine is put cookies in oven, fold laundry, take cookies out of oven, fold laundry, ice cookies, well, you get the idea, anyway, if you want the truth of it, I’m not doing anything today, I’m just extremely bored and I’m wasting time at the keyboard while I wait for the afternoon soap opera to come on television and hey, there it is, I’ll wrap this thing up by saying shalom to anyone who was bored enough to read this, may you find peace and contentment in all you do, shalom…

Apr 19, 2020 Diary entry: People, where would we be without them, tall people, short people, smart people, dumb people, pretty people, people who look like the elderly lady’s dog down the street, intuitive people, people whose intuition tells them to not eat any more Taco Bell and instead eat McDonald’s, people who drive according to the rules of the road, people who drive all those around them insane with their pointless chatter, well, you get the idea, anyway, the people around the pod room were relating their most embarrassing moments earlier today, and Paulie shared his, it was back in the late Fifties, we were all seated around the dining table eating our Christmas dinner when I barfed all my ham and yams on the dog, and you know how dogs do when they’re wet, the dog tried to shake himself dry and he shook my ham and yams and my cranberry jello all over the walls, my mom’s favorite lamp, and her festive slip covers, then I was sent to my room without dessert; I’m reminded of a phrase I’ve heard quite often , “People who love people are the peopliest people in the world”, anyway, this whole people thing, I will study it more and get back to you all, I think there could be much to say about people, much most of you haven’t ever thought of, I admonish you all to return back here and learn things that your parents or society could never teach you, we are all learning, let’s learn together, this is Paulie, saying shalom people…

Apr 19, 2020 Diary entry: “Hey!”, “If I want a fat ass elf-looking guy walking around on my roof, I’ll call freakin’ Santa Claus you moron!”, “Now get off my porch!”, oh, excuse Paulie, he didn’t see you there, he was just speaking to a door-to-door salesman who was offering a free roof inspection, now where were we, oh yeah, I was in the beginning of a new diary entry, I really don’t know where to begin as there is so much happening out here by the county line, the neighborhood association is pestering the city to install more surveillance cameras on the streets, I guess they want more protection from some perceived thing or another, these idiots gather once a month to come up with stupid ideas to justify there meager existence while they eat cookies and sniff each other’s butts, they think that if they put on a neighborhood hot dog day, they will gain immortality and the world will never forget them, god how pathetic their lives are, now some of you readers may think Paulie’s written words sound angry, but you haven’t heard Paulie’s spoken words, when Paulie is speaking rather than writing, he is as a strong wind, Paulie’s written words are a soft breeze in comparison, so take heart, Paulie’s only desire is to pamper you with kindness while he tries to drag your sorry butts out of the false reality that you cling to like it was the last Champagne cork on the sinking Titanic, you all eat up these fake news stories like they were popcorn shrimp at free beer night down at the Hoot n’ Holler Bar and Grill where the stupidest people win a free button that reads “My friends tee shirt says ‘I’m with the dumbass”, anyway, where was I, “Beep”, “Beep beep”, “Beep beep beep”, hang on, it’s the phone, “Yes, may I help you?”, “Car insurance?”, “Why yes, I’d love to buy a new policy from you”, “What, you’re breaking up, I can’t hear you, I’m going through a worm hole to the parallel world on the other side and my bars are weak”, click, so I was at the doctor’s office and the guy suggested a colonoscopy, that was the dumbest thing I heard all last week, what kind of fool would let a half baked chimney duster ream out their flue between dart matches at Bub’s Pub and Grub, look people, you don’t have to buy every dang thing that the world’s snake oil salesmen offer you, have some discretion for heavens sake, buyer beware, go down to the One Dollar Store and get yourself a buck’s worth of common sense in a small plastic bag, and when you get home, put the bag over your head and leave it there until you can think one original thought that hasn’t been programmed into you, good luck, well, that’s about it for now, if Paulie thinks of anything else, he will meet you back here, shalom…

Apr 18, 2020 Diary entry: Hey all, It’s Paulie again, I’m here lounging under a big beach cabana, I’m sipping sangria while a pretty dark haired lady offers to light my premium cigar, a Camaroon Preferido; a barefoot waitress is bringing another bamboo tray of seafood delicacies that the ocean gave up only this morning; no, not really, actually, I’m here in the day room, I’m in the day room of a “quiet therapy”, uh, place, it seems my doctors wanted me to take a short vacation to unwind from some type of perceived things that they said were bothering me, so here I am, I’m just sittin’ here chillin’, sipping de-caf coffee through a paper straw with the help of some guy who looks like Jack Nicholson in that one old Halloween movie where he has teeth like a wolf; this shirt they gave me to wear is very uncomfortable, it is made from scratchy canvas and it doesn’t have any sleeves, and these pants only have one leg in them, well, it’s almost dinner time, the menu says fish stick, jello, and Thorazine, so as a heavy-booted male attendant brings a metal tray, Paulie sends his special, most craziest love to all whom he loves, shalom…

Apr 18, 2020 Diary entry: Paulie met a wonderful German lady last week down at the Neubenflabin Bar and Grill during their-all-you-can-eat Weinerschnitzel Night; after several bottles of wine and more plates of weinerschnitzel than I care to divulge here, I told her that her face looked like mist that fell from above, she threw a plate of cabbage in my face and said she never wanted to see me again, and that she was gonna have her cousin Schneiderbundt break my legs, how was I to know that mist means dung in German, I have never done well with the foreign ladies, there really are language barriers that keep people apart, no one knows that better than me, don’t even try dating a Macedonian lady, I found that out the hard way, anyway, this question everyone is asking during these last days about whether the Anti-Christ is gonna be a male or a female, well, Paulie can tell you that the Anti-Christ will most definitely be a man because Paulie dated the female Anti-Christ and she went back to Germany to live with her folks, this whole modern dating scene is Bravo Sierra, if you know what I mean, I think maybe this new online dating could catch on someday, if you accidentally insult your date, she can’t throw her drink at you from her terminal in Butte Flat Kentucky, I don’t know, the world just seems to be getting bigger every day, but why do I feel as though it is closing in on me, Paulie’s questions only fall on deaf ears these days, I guess they are questions for the ages, and the answers are not for Paulie, well, there is no questioning Paulie’s love for you all, it remains unquestionable, shalom…

Apr 16,2020 Diary entry: Shalom everyone, Paulie here, now Paulie has an open door policy, when he sees that his door is open, he shuts it and throws the bolt, but today he will leave it a bit ajar and talk through the crack before he closes it for the day, anyway, we hope your home detention is going as good as can be expected and that you are doing well, as you are no doubtedly aware, Paulie asks questions, and most of them go unanswered, but Paulie must ask why it is that while all of us are on home detention, the people in prison are freed from their detention to roam the streets, why do we have to stay home and they don’t, this topsy-turvy world just gets weirder doesn’t it, anyway, I want to pass along some info I came across as I was researching Charlie Manson for some of my previous diary entries I made several days ago; as a boy, young Charlie was an accomplished ballet dancer who was gifted as an angel, and he charmed his audiences to no end, he starred in his high school new age rendition of “To Kill A Mocking Bird” and the reviews were rave, he was a rising comet destined to dance on his toes among the highest stars of heaven; after his “To Kill A Mocking Bird” performance, he received a scholarship to attend the prestigious Stockholm Ballet Conservatorium in Stockholm, Sweden, then, as fate would have it, he suffered a freak accident and the doctors said he would be left with a limp and he would never dance again, this magnificent young student of the ballet found himself cast out of the thing he loved most, there would be no more casting calls, calls from admirers, and no more after-performance soiree’s with adoring fans, he would hang up his tights and slippers for good, and well, the rest is history, it’s amazing the facts one can learn when one does his own research, well, this is Paulie, shutting his door for the day, good evening, and shalom…

Apr 15, 2020 Diary entry: Hey everybody, it’s Paulie again, I’m outside sitting in a lawn chair, I have been watching the world go by, and it is indeed going by, it seems to fly by like a screaming eagle intent on devouring some thing or another, anyway, I’ve been pondering this whole existence we’ve found ourselves in, something about this whole mess doesn’t seem kosher, if you know what I mean, Paulie thinks there is a Chinaman hiding in the china shop somewhere, so to speak, is it possible at all, that the weasel in the chicken coop has gotten into the house, it seems like the dirty dogs are crapping all over our fine carpeting, and they ate god-knows-what beforehand, well, let the race to idiocy rage on, Paulie is only a spectator, watching it from his lawn chair as he sips a light wine and munches on little cheese sandwiches he made from an old family recipe; as the sun begins to set and Paulie sets his mind on higher matters, may he utter these simple words, shalowan my ahkh and my achot, peace be forever yours…

Apr 14, 2020 Diary entry: Paulie’s short stint in the military had been very successful until an unfortunate occurrence changed the trajectory of his career, Paulie was expelled from his unit because of circumstances beyond his control, when a howitzer goes off and it isn’t supposed to, someone has to pay, and Paulie being the faithful servant he is, he jumped onto the grenade to save his comrades, well, the rest is history, having been drummed out of the Corpse, Paulie resumed a life of taking on odd jobs, working night shifts to pay the rent, working day jobs to buy food, then one day Paulie’s life began to change, change in profound ways, he met a fortune teller down off Forty Second Street who told Paulie his future, she said that Paulie would rise again out of the bleak darkness of Loserville like the hot blazing sun arises out of the darkness and illuminates the great city down below, from that day on, Paulie has looked ahead to that bright new day in which he would shine for the first time in his life, that day still hasn’t arrived, but Paulie’s eyes are forever looking ahead to whatever may come, it’s got to be better than this, right?…

Apr 12, 2020 Diary entry: It’s Paulie again, how is everyone tonight, Paulie has had something on his mind and he wants to clear it up for you, this idea that Fidel Castro lived in Cuba is preposterous, he had never even visited Cuba, and he wasn’t even Cuban to begin with, I met Castro personally one afternoon in a garage down off 42nd Street; a bunch of us had gathered to drink beer and play poker, and there was this bearded guy in green army fatigue’s who kept raising every bet, he was a mad man who kept saying that Pesos would be worthless after the revolution, anyway, this was the real Castro who won forty seven dollars from me, he was a very militant individual, and his rhetoric swayed my thinking about life in general, yeah, I knew Fidel Castro, I drank beer with him, I played cards with him, and I gave him my money, on a lazy late June afternoon, down off 42nd Street in my friends garage, shalom…

Apr 12, 2020 Diary entry: Hey everybody, it’s Paulie here, I”m in the kitchen, come on in, take a seat at my dinette set with the sunflower print cushions, let’s talk right after I check my stove, I need to watch my English dish that I will serve this evening, I’ve made a big batch of my Steak and Kidney Bean Pudding for tonight’s special occasion, maybe I should add a splash of Bordeaux and one more pinch of rosemary, there, I think that does it, now what did you want to talk about today, the state of the world, politics, religion, the lady next door who insists that my campfire smoke is making her dog sick, the petition the neighborhood cabal is circulating to make golf balls illegal; anything that is on your mind and is confusing you, I am here to listen and iron out whatever is ruffling your delicate linens, give your wrinkled mind to Paulie the mind launderer, he will wash away all the confusion that has soiled you for so long, he will press out all the creases in your soul and make you feel like a fresh pressed grape whose juice runs like a raging river of uncontrolled clarity that will cause you to scream out to the very heavens above that you can see for the first time in your life, give your dirty laundry to Paulie’s Wash, Dry and Fold Service, we are experienced in what we do, we have been washing away customers’ fears, drying their tears, and folding up their cares, and sending them all to a far away place in a neatly wrapped package with string tied around it, never to be heard from again, well, I smell my pudding, I think it’s done, so I will wish you all shalom…