Paulie’s World Is Close To The Line

Apr 19, 2020 Diary entry: “Hey!”, “If I want a fat ass elf-looking guy walking around on my roof, I’ll call freakin’ Santa Claus you moron!”, “Now get off my porch!”, oh, excuse Paulie, he didn’t see you there, he was just speaking to a door-to-door salesman who was offering a free roof inspection, now where were we, oh yeah, I was in the beginning of a new diary entry, I really don’t know where to begin as there is so much happening out here by the county line, the neighborhood association is pestering the city to install more surveillance cameras on the streets, I guess they want more protection from some perceived thing or another, these idiots gather once a month to come up with stupid ideas to justify there meager existence while they eat cookies and sniff each other’s butts, they think that if they put on a neighborhood hot dog day, they will gain immortality and the world will never forget them, god how pathetic their lives are, now some of you readers may think Paulie’s written words sound angry, but you haven’t heard Paulie’s spoken words, when Paulie is speaking rather than writing, he is as a strong wind, Paulie’s written words are a soft breeze in comparison, so take heart, Paulie’s only desire is to pamper you with kindness while he tries to drag your sorry butts out of the false reality that you cling to like it was the last Champagne cork on the sinking Titanic, you all eat up these fake news stories like they were popcorn shrimp at free beer night down at the Hoot n’ Holler Bar and Grill where the stupidest people win a free button that reads “My friends tee shirt says ‘I’m with the dumbass”, anyway, where was I, “Beep”, “Beep beep”, “Beep beep beep”, hang on, it’s the phone, “Yes, may I help you?”, “Car insurance?”, “Why yes, I’d love to buy a new policy from you”, “What, you’re breaking up, I can’t hear you, I’m going through a worm hole to the parallel world on the other side and my bars are weak”, click, so I was at the doctor’s office and the guy suggested a colonoscopy, that was the dumbest thing I heard all last week, what kind of fool would let a half baked chimney duster ream out their flue between dart matches at Bub’s Pub and Grub, look people, you don’t have to buy every dang thing that the world’s snake oil salesmen offer you, have some discretion for heavens sake, buyer beware, go down to the One Dollar Store and get yourself a buck’s worth of common sense in a small plastic bag, and when you get home, put the bag over your head and leave it there until you can think one original thought that hasn’t been programmed into you, good luck, well, that’s about it for now, if Paulie thinks of anything else, he will meet you back here, shalom…

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