Diary entry: Hey everybody, today started out like a cow crapping in the barnyard and I was the barnyard, allow me to explain, I was at my laptop drinking the rest of yesterday’s coffee and eating a gas station cinnamon bun when the ferret lady from across the street came to my door, look, if I had empty beer cans in my yard, I wouldn’t go bitching to the neighbors, anyway, then, my last golf ball went through Edna’s window next door, I still haven’t paid her for the last broken window and she seems impatient that Paulie pay up, Paulie fears she may want more than money, but if that weren’t enough, the day just worsened, I must say, when Paulie was a young and cute child, the older ladies loved him, they were always giving young Paulie treats, little cakes, candy, and kisses on his head, what the hell happened over the last sixty years, today old Paulie is reviled among the neighborhood widow ladies, they treat Paulie as if he were the barnyard and they were cows that gotta go… Diary entry: Paulie has been on the trail for so long, trekking, searching for his way back home, the place he came from, before he became so lost, Paulie desires to see the warm candle light through the tent windows, out there, somewhere, in the darkness, Paulie doesn’t want to give up but he is so tired, Paulie will continue on and he will get back up when he stumbles, Paulie’s eyes are still focused on the path ahead, well, this is Paulie, out here on the trail somewhere, wishing you all shalom… Diary entry: “Paulie Gee’s Realtime Diary” is centrally located, we are easily found, when you do find us, please stay, we desire your company, we have stories to tell…

September 23, 2019 Diary entry: Now Paulie has never made any secret of his animosity towards psychiatrists, anyway, during an especially intense session in which we had made headway into areas better left unexamined, well, Paulie’s therapist went out his seventh floor office window; when the cops arrived, Paulie said it looked like suicide… Diary entry: Now Paulie has heard these words before, “Don’t ever come back”, uh, spoken at family get togethers, dinners, funerals, the cub scout troop’s annual summer camp-out that turned into a small riot and the local cops had to break it up because the fire department couldn’t get to the fire, anyway, this diary entry is more about the people who lived across the crick back in the old days, yeah, people who were different, different in every way, there was a shallow part of the crick where they would cross in the fall of the year when our harvest festival was in full swing, now, we on the west side of the crick, we fought among ourselves all year long, but when the east side crick people threatened our way of life we came together as one and we fought as one… Diary entry: I was working security out of a small Midwestern town, two witnesses of a crime that had taken place last week entered the office, their attorney said they had stuff to hide but they wanted to try and identify a murder suspect, I told them that my job was to solve murder investigations and I didn’t care if they were in the country illegally or if they beat their mothers every other Sunday after church service, I had murder crimes to solve and I was gonna solve them, I thanked them for their information and assured them our conversation would remain confidential, I never relied too much on witnesses, my job is to solve murders, and I bring justice down on whoever gets in the way, the hammer of justice will fall on some one, somewhere, somehow, yes, justice Paulie-style will rain down on a scumbag somewhere, Paulie’s rain will wash this bastard out, wash him out like the garden hose washes out the stray cat underneath the back porch, Paulie will flush out a murderer on this very night… Diary entry: Hey, Paulie here, feeling a bit under the weather, too many squid and Saki’s last night down at the Floating Fish Bar and Grill, it was All You Can Eat Night, the squid were flowing like there was no tomorrow, we all drank Saki like a school of squid drinks in sea water during low tide, anyway, this latest murder investigation is eating me up, I wished I’d never taken on this job, but I had, and I would see it through if it killed me, yes, I was in it up to my knees, I would wade this thing no matter how deep the muck got, I would wade out this murderer in the muck until we were up to our necks and one of us would die, one of us would take our last breath underneath this deep dark, stinking muck hole of hatred and loathing…

Diary entry: The cricket in the house sounds like he has a sore throat, anyway, things have been pretty sparse around here these days, not a crumb falls from Paulie’s table, a mouse crawled on his belly towards where Paulie was seated, looked up, opened his mouth, and I swear he said “fuck you”… Diary entry: Some scientist guy on PBS was saying the ball earth is tilting more and more on it’s axis, I am inclined to agree with him, society looks like it is tilted all out of whack… Diary entry: Well, the whole writing staff and their families and friends are here at “Paulie Gee’s Realtime Diary” backyard holiday “No Labor Day” blowout blast, we have wine, corn chips, and checkered cloth on the table, it is truly a great day to be alive out here on the avenue… Diary entry: Some people have referred to Paulie as being only a slick salesman, that isn’t true, Paulie’s only motive is to get his toe in the door of your mind, open up your door, Paulie has a free gift for you, c’mon, lets get involved, involved in a brand new thing, truth, lets begin a relationship like you’ve never known, stay here with Paulie’s “Diary” and live a new life, Paulie promises that if you read him, you will become reborn, you will think differently, you will act differently, and you may start dressing differently, yeah, dump the raggedy shirts, the baggy pants with the one brown polka dot on the rear, lose that stupid puppet haircut, wash your hands and come sit at Paulie’s table, scoot your chair up close, sit up straight, get your elbows off the table, and eat all Paulie’s words, yes, Paulie wants you to eat…

Diary entry: Please allow Paulie to apologize in advance, he has had a few martinis and he has been wailing, wailing into a most desolate night, Paulie has been wailing like a gut shot coyote wails loud in the fading moonlight, yes, Paulie wails loud on this night, “In this whole stinkin’, rotten world, I wanna be some goddamned body!”, I don’t want nuthin’ but to be some goddamned body, any goddamned body, if I could get a brand new car or something, I could be some damn body, driving around in a brand new shiny car with the top down in the middle of winter because I am so cool, yeah, I’m an ice cube and I’m in my own special cocktail of awesomeness, yes, Paulie is awesome, see him drive down the block in his new shiny convertible top automobile in the middle of winter, the top down, and Paulie is as cool as can be… Diary entry: Some people say Paulie doesn’t get it, well, Paulie gets it, Paulie’s got it, and you can have it too, ask how… Diary entry: Paulie woke up today to the most glorious Monday morning, Paulie was gonna start a whole new type of existence, live anew, in a new day, then Paulie found out it was actually Friday night, blew the whole new day thing… Diary entry: We were hanging out in the field behind the old knitting mill, bitching about how Johnny’s dad had switched cigarette brands, we liked the brand he used to smoke and his new brand blew, we all knew it blew, why didn’t Johnny’s dad, we had lost some of the respect we had for Johnny’s dad, he was still the coolest dad in the neighborhood but our world had changed, was the neighborhood changing, and would we have no choice but to change with it, was there no alternative but to go as the neighborhood goes, were we on some ship, were we captives of some dark, devious voyage, a voyage we could not escape, must we go as the neighborhood goes, oh woe is us, our short little burst of freedom to be snuffed out by a wicked slave ship of conformity, conform or die… Diary entry: Paulie must say something here about honor, honor among colleagues, enemies, opponents, it doesn’t matter, I’m speaking of mud ball fights, the mud ball wars of nineteen fifty eight, fifty nine, clean battles carried out as cleanly as can be expected, then corruption set in, pure ugly corruption, the mud balls somehow became more than just mud, they became “mud” balls, yes, the sweet innocence of simple mud wars became a more dirty conflict, we were all facing a new “mud” ball weapon, the new “mud” ball was born out of some deep down hatred inspired by Johnny’s dad changing cigarette brands, the place was falling apart, descending into chaos, Johnny’s dad had caused a dark cloud of “mud” balls to storm over us all… may the mothers help us…

Diary entry: Hey, Paulie here, we are happy to announce the next “Paulie Gee’s Realtime Diary” giveaway, our prize was donated by the Gas and Lube late one night, yes, a 64 ounce plastic coffee carafe donated by the Gas and Lube down on the South Confluence of the Exit Street Turnaround, we all are excited to offer this latest giveaway, enter to win as often as you like… Diary entry: Listen, you people need advice, some kind of direction, you are all stupid, you were taught by stupid parents, Paulie is here to straighten you out, sit up straight, quit slouching, get your elbows off the table, scoot your chair up close, you are gonna eat Paulie’s words or you’re getting a good spanking and going to bed, here’s the thing, you gotta be very careful giving a young man a gun, you know, like on his birthday because he’s been whining so much the dogs can’t sleep, sometimes when a youngster gets a gun and he’s taught to use it, he becomes drunk with power, he turns into a different person, he screams at Grandma to bring that pie to him, and he wants a goddamned full glass of milk this time or there will be hell to pay, yeah, I’ve seen it my friends, I’ve lived it…

Diary entry: Okay, I saw somewhere where a rich guy ate this egg that was like a half million years old, he paid a huge sum to acquire this ancient egg so he could eat it, I can’t understand why such a rich guy would do such a thing, he could have any egg he wanted, anyway, if some rich guy can eat an old egg, eccentric Paulie can certainly eat five year old jellybeans he found in the closet… Diary entry: Eggs, please don’t misunderstand Paulie, Paulie doesn’t have any problem with eggs, they are a vital part of creation, none of us would be here without them, but the “Egg Lady” down the street scares Paulie, she has a basket of stuff like Paulie has never seen in his life, and Paulie is here to tell you, he has seen some stuff, but the “Egg Lady” really kinda freaks Paulie out… Diary entry: Paulie has returned from his stay in the mountains refreshed and clear headed, Paulie learned one thing staying in the wilderness, that is, you never travel farther than sixty yards from your campsite or else you will spend the night sleeping on a pile of leaves using a tree branch for a pillow, Paulie declares on his return from the wild mountains, “I will never loose another tent”, or a knapsack of beans and beer… Diary entry: Paulie is off to the northern part of the state, “pie country”, rural areas in the northern counties, where ladies stand by the road offering their wares, ladies that remind you of your dear Grandmomma, you know, back when the world was a sweet juicy apple, before all the worms got to it and crapped inside it, back when the days were so pure you could drink them in without straining them through a charcoal filter first… Diary entry: People ask Paulie what it is like writing the “Diary”, is it easy, difficult, where do the words come from, please allow Paulie to answer, it’s like this, digging the words from one’s soul is like ripping the flesh apart to find life blood to fill ones pen, or something like that, I don’t know, sometimes a martini helps…

Diary entry: Welcome to “Paulie Gee’s Realtime Diary”, Paulie is in the middle of writing a novel, he got the idea from old black and white movies on TV, he’s entitling this first story “Murder At The Panda Express”, there is no plot worked out yet, there is just the title, but I’ll grow something around it I’m sure… maybe diners sending back egg roll, unsatisfied, and an Oriental chushi chef, fed up with American pomposity, determined to settle some long ago dispute, a family matter, defend family honor no matter what he has to do, I don’t know, or a young busboy with an opium addiction, seeking more control over his forlorn life and murder was the only way, a lot of bugs to work out, but what Oriental restaurant doesn’t? Diary entry: Paulie here, hanging out at “Panda Express” to get a feel for my new novel, “Murder At The Panda Express”, I must say, the vibes here are overwhelming, there is a murderous kitchen atmosphere, rusty cleavers, sharp-bladed knives, switchblades most likely, harsh looks on the faces of dark haired men, handling their instruments of instant death, eyes that seem to glow through the dimly lit, steamy room, one look, one out of place word, there would be a new menu item, a special, and the special at Panda Express would be revenge, yes, revenge served up Sukiyaki style my friend, Sukiyaki with the works, then a woman appeared through the door, her umbrella dripping, she was dark haired, tall, her eyes were Chinese lanterns, her dress waved like the sea, I found myself adrift, I forgot about why I was here, I forgot where I was, I forgot who I was, she was a typhoon and I couldn’t move away, I knew there could be no calm lagoon to run to for safety, there could be no escape from this woman… Diary entry: Paulie consulted a professional book publisher about the prospects of getting “Paulie Gee’s Realtime Diary” into print, and he is taking the advice given, Paulie was told to “go put that crap on the internet”, so, look forward to a lot of “Diary” entries, we are here for you, the people, we have heard your cries, and we are responding to your need for good wholesome stories, stories you can tell your friends, stories you can tell your enemies, or stories you can simply forget, we don’t care… Diary entry: Paulie is about to write a new parallel murder mystery entitled “Mama San Murder Mystery”, about a harsh woman, a harsh life, an innocent young man, during the height of monsoon season, torrents of wet passion and pain, anguish really, the kind of anguish that burrows itself into you, burns itself deep within, leaving thick scar tissue where flesh used to be, yes, this is real life, real passion, real pain, real pleasure, but it all becomes blurred, melded into some sick need for love, any love, until you find yourself deep into some foreign jungle that has no outlet, and the sun has gone away, no light, no direction, no hope… Diary entry: Paulie here with some advise to anyone out there intending to fake their death, let my experience perhaps help you, when your loved ones discover that you are really still alive, they seem to be just as angry with you as before you faked your death, I’ll never fake my death again, it probably wouldn’t work twice anyway… Diary entry: The faked death thing, where I went wrong was getting my brother to help fake my death, he told the family that he was really a CIA hit man contracted to get rid of me, my brother broke down under questioning, my brother won’t talk to me anymore because the family hates him too now, I think the best advice I can give is, don’t complicate your life, stay simple, stay down, stay cool… Diary entry: “Murder at the Panda Express”, day two, I was bent over my rice when the hostess madam hurried over to greet a well dressed man who had just entered, he wore some type of top hat, carrying a cane with a silver dragon head on it, his eyes were like two black onyx buttons yet to be pushed through the buttonholes, he had a thin black mustache and a mouth full of pearls that dripped light, the room turned cold, I sipped my rice wine as the hostess showed him to a corner booth, his usual seat no doubt, probably reserved at all times, what madness dwelt beneath this place, the average person could only imagine, but I was gonna find out…