What Are You Proud Of?

Apr 4, 2020 Diary entry: Shalom everybody, Paulie here with a quick word or two about pride, now don’t worry, I’m wearing my NIOSH approved Bullard HMXI Free Air Pump Respirator Type C Tychem 200, and I am seated at least 6 feet away from my keyboard, it is difficult to type using two shorty pool cues so please disregard the typoz, “Win hooo!”, “Win hooo!”, “Snurp”, oh crap, you ever sneeze inside a respirator, I gotta go clean this thing, I’ll be right back… Okay, I’m back, like I was saying, the gang down at Joe’s last night was discussing all this pride that is in the world today, Gay Pride, Union Pride, Hoosier Pride, Military Pride, Good Old American Know How Pride, everybody is proud of some darn thing or another, now Paulie has never been a particularly proud person, but he does have a pride bumper sticker on his vehicle which reads “I am the proud parent of a dropout”, yeah, my kid dropped out of the seventh grade; one day he came home and said “Dad, it’s all bullshit, I quit”, “George Washington was a damned liar”, “That idiot Buzz Aldrin never landed on the moon”, “The earth isn’t a ball”, “The U.S. Presidents were not heterosexuals”, “Vladimir Putin isn’t a man, he’s a robot”, “On top of that, the school cafeteria lady didn’t win the cooking award that hangs over the serving line”, “The shop teacher didn’t lose his pinkie finger during the month long Panama Invasion of 1990”, “And the guy out in the Weekday Religious Education Trailer doesn’t know Jesus personally”, “Dad, it’s all just bullshit, I’m done”, well, I asked my boy what he was going to do in life if school was out, he said he would do what Grandpa did, he’d be a pig farmer, I said “But son, our family avoids pork”, so he said he’d do what Great Grandpa did, he’d distill spirits, I told him to remember what Great Grand Dad always said, “80 proof is no goof, but 100 proof and you’ll dance on the roof”, well, this is pride-less Paulie, staying humble as he was meant to, because Paulie’s Creator hates proud people, shalom…

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