Joke Night

Jan 21, 2020 Diary entry: Hey everybody, it’s Joke Night here at Paulie Gee’s Realtime Diary, we are gathered for our monthly Beer, Boloney, and Bean Blowout, the joke breeze has begun to blow steady, speaking of beans and breezes, if fat men fart, what do ladies do? Answer, ladies fart also, but they blame it on the fat guy, that one is from Gweneeshah, our new understudy, she will make a fine writer one day, we have been discussing the utter failure of our American education system tonight, everyone has personal examples of the utter disgrace school is, but when Paulie was a young boy in school, the teacher asked him what Abraham Lincoln’s greatest accomplishment was, young Paulie eagerly answered “Abraham Lincoln’s greatest accomplishment was inventing the penny”, “He wanted a good five cent cigar but there was no denomination under a dollar”, one day the science teacher asked “Who was the first person to use dynamite”, Paulie answered that it was that skinny black kid from the ghetto on television, in poetry class the question was posed “Who was Little Bo Peep?”, Paulie answered “Bo Jackson’s youngest daughter”, Paulie’s math teacher asked him “Why was the slide rule invented?”, Paulie knew this one, “It was to keep guys from sliding into first base”, during Career Day, Paulie’s counselor said he should probably be a comedian because people were certainly always going to laugh at him, anyway, we have jokes tonight from everybody, “Is the bat a bird or a mammal?”, “Well, Grandpa says Grandma is cuckoo, so I’ll say bird”, “Why do polar bears eat seals?” “To keep them from leaking”, “What is the Greatest Story Ever Told?”, “The Ali-Spinks bout”, “Why did Buzz Aldrin make up the story of landing on the moon?”, “He didn’t want his wife to know where he was Saturday night”, “Why did the drunk hang out by the dumpster behind the liquor store?”, “Because the one behind the Oriental restaurant stunk”, “Why did the smart kid always skate to the highest score in the Spelling Bee?”, “Because he couldn’t play hockey”, “Why couldn’t the shop teacher count to ten?”, “Because he only had nine fingers”, “Why did the cafeteria lady pick her nose with her thumb?”, “Because she used her fingers to dig in her butt”, “Why didn’t the Cub Scouts admit Brownies?”, “We already had that one kid with the polka dot trousers, not polka dots, polka dot, he always had one brown polka dot on the rear of his trousers”, well, it looks like Gweneeshah is our Paulie Gee’s Realtime Diary “Popcorn in the Hair” contest winner, she has that big Afro, the bald guy is our big loser, we even buttered his head and not one kernel stuck, our “Wiener Dog Dance” contest is about to begin, the tall skinny people have the advantage but we all will be giving it our best effort, this is Wiener Dog Paulie, barking out his best shalom to you all, again, love and shalom…

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