Runnin’ Down The English Language

May 20, 2020 Diary entry: This will be a teaching that the staff here at Paulie Gee’s Realtime Diary have wanted to do for quite some time but we have been distracted by the many recent events, but during this slow period in the world slowdown, we have decided the time is right; our thesis is entitled “Stop Speaking The English Language”, “Stop It Right Now”, you people do not know the meanings of the words you speak every day, the English language is a dichotomic stew of utter revulsion, it is a dirty filthy language conjured up by wicked men, the English language is built upon the twin pillars, the Yin and Yang, the Light and Dark, it is a duality of perspective, all words and phrases have dual meanings depending on your perspective and who you are, and what you are, we admonish all peoples, no matter where you find yourself on this earth plane, ditch the English language now, you are speaking utter filth to your dear Grandma, your lovely wife or husband, and your sweet little children who will most certainly learn your wicked tongue and speak it themselves; please take a few moments and research the simple word meanings of the words you speak, pull out a few dusty etymological dictionaries and study the disgusting origins of the vast vocabulary of words you are so proud of, we won’t be going into the dual meanings of such single words like “hoe”, you can look up single word meanings on your own, we will be stressing groups of words which we will refer to as “phrases”, yes, phrases you use every day in some kind of dark ignorance left over from the cave man era, please understand, our only motive is to illuminate dark and lifeless skulls, we are not in this thing for recognition or money, our only desire is that you may see clearly the language you have chosen to use, and possibly reject it forevermore, and wash your lips with some of that sanitizing liquid you have stored up because you are afraid to even wipe your butt without being sterile first, sterilizing your hands is a symbol for what Bill Gates wants to do to your little thingie anyway, you are all such fools that you let these world leader freaks lead your brain like it was a dead cat they drag behind them on a leash to cause fear in all the neighborhood cats so they won’t howl on the fence at night and reproduce, be that as it may be, that is not our reason for being here, it is word phrase meanings of the English language; do you know what you are saying when you say that you are going to “hoe the brown row”, or “run the ferret down the dirt hole”, or “pack the crate”, or “put the potato in the microwave”, or “drive down the gravel road”, or “squirm in the pew”, or “slam the back door”, “feel the tail wind”, “get the beans in”, or “feel around in the dark”, “explore the dark continent”, “lounge around in the shade”, “dip the biscuit in the gravy”, “dunk the cruller”, “sink the Bismark”, you astronomers, stop talking about “moon landings”, or “zoomin’ the telephoto lens toward the black hole”, and don’t tell people you “slid in the mud”, it’s disgusting, or that you “canoe’d up the muddy river”; to you political wogs out there, stop using such phrases as “workin’ the deal”, “pushin’ the peace”, “pushin’ the pact”, and “stuffin’ the ballot box”, you office workers, stop using such phrases as “stuffin’ the envelope”, “grindin’ the pencil”, “staplin’ the carbon copy”, “puttin’ fresh stock in the rear”, farmers are especially bad, using phrases like “plantin’ squorsh”, “gettin’ the corn in”, “puttin’ the post in the hole”, “plowin’ the bottom land”, please think before you speak, and find a new language, we are tired of hearing you people say that you are “loungin’ in the back room”, or how you just adore “ridin’ through the pass country”, “sinkin’ your putt in the nineteenth hole”, “diggin’ the hole to China”, to those of you who work in the energy industry, stop saying that you are “frackin’ the shale”, “diggin’ the coal”, “explorin’ for gas”, and we must direct our most vehement rebuke to the nation that started this whole disgusting language to begin with, you Brits, you Londoners are not immune from rebuke with your “stuck in the sticky wicket”, “puttin’ the beef in the Wellington”, “polishin’ the Queen’s seat of power”, “sendin’ the little general into the Khyber pass”, “brewin’ the brown tea”, well, I think the staff and I have made our point, and the point is to cease and desist from using the horrible language they call English, become aware of the filth that proceeds from your lips, none of us are innocent of the obscenity charges against us, we have all contributed to the downfall of humanity, accept your guilt, accept your punishment, then move on and never speak English again, we hope we have illucidated some of the less intelligent readers out there, Paulie Gee’s Realtime Diary is not in the business of making friends, we are a people of many words and few friends, and we will leave you with these few heartfelt words, never cease learning, never cease living, and never cease loving, this is Paulie and his staff, shalom…

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