It’s Letter Time

Jan 23, 2021 Diary entry: As we continue to struggle to keep this sinking humor company from going clear to the bottom, we have letters from caring and concerned fans that we would like to take this opportunity to respond to. I have emptied our mailbag out onto my desk, and my lovely assistant Gweneeshah is handing me our first letter, thank you Gweneeshah, schwiiip, (that was my letter opener), hhooo, crinkle crinkle, this first letter is from a Fred in Seboygan, Fred writes “Paulie, you have told us very little about your education except for attending Free University”, “Can you fill in some blanks”, well Fred from Sheboygan, in my earliest years, I went to a prestigious and exclusive elementary school where they taught highly advanced concepts dealing with basic educational tactics which elucidated me immensely, my brain was packed full of data that I can instantly recall to this day, I dropped out after learning the multiplication tables before they got into long division. Later on in life I was enthusiastically accepted at an institution that had a program that was directed more to the individual student rather than to the group as a whole, I spent almost two years there at the Putnum County Home for the Criminally Insane, boy was my mother mad at me when I ran away from the only professional facility that would accept me with open arms, after that I drifted from one odd job to another, and one failed business venture to another, then after a lifetime of learning experiences, I became the well-rounded individual that I am today. Okay, now for our next letter, schwiiip, hhooo, crinkle crinkle, this letter is from a Mrs. Edna Clear, “Paulie”, “When are you going to pay for my broken window”, “You promised to pay”, Edna is our dear next-door neighbor, well Edna, your broken window payment is our highest priority and we will be focusing our full attention on it, next letter, schwiiip, hhooo, crinkle crinkle, this is a question from Fulbright Breeze out of Chicago, “Paulie”, “You alluded to the Hindu man snake in a basket joke many times”, “But you never gave us the punchline”, “Could you give us the punchline to the Hindu man snake in the basket joke”, “Thank you”, why yes, I’d be glad to Fulbright, the basket had a hole in the bottom. Next letter, schwiiip, hhooo, crinkle crinkle, this letter is from Miss Flora Davenport, out in Elwood, Flora writes “Dear Paulie”, “You promised to finish the farmer’s daughter and travelling Monsanto salesman joke”, “You never did”, well, as I recall Flora, there was a genetically modified phytoplasmic germ cell in the corn, and the farmer’s daughter had to go see the doctor, here’s another letter from Edna, “Paulie”, “That’s what you said the last time”, you sure have a good memory Edna, well I think we have time for just one more letter, schwiiip, hhooo, crinkle crinkle, this one looks like it is from Patty’s Party Hut, “Dear Sir” “Please remit the full payment due for the sangria fountain you broke” “We await your reply”, gee, I don’t remember that, I’ll ask around and see if anyone knows about this, well, that’s all the letters we have for today, we are closing up the mailbag until next time, please keep your cards and letters coming, we appreciate them all, I know I speak for Gweneeshah and the whole gang when I say, have yourself a funny day, peace and love…


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