Sept 27, 2020 Diary entry: As I gaze into the thick cloud that envelops my office, I see ghosts of memories long past, things long buried that were asleep, things that have come awake and want to talk on a late night. I just want to relax and look to some hazy future world that doesn’t know me. My aching desire is to live in a world in which I am anonymous, unknown, never before experienced by the inhabitants. I want a new never-before-lived-in world in which we all get to start over. I want to be unexperienced by people. I want to start over. I want no pain or blood or destruction ascribed to me. But that is unrealistic, so I will watch and listen as the smoke plays back my sordid life on a fuzzy black and white film reel in which the gory details are not easily seen, but felt.