Let’s Get This Apocalypse Over

Sept 14, 2020 Diary entry: Okay, I think I’m all set for the apocalypse, I got 18 cases of vodka and three pallets of beer out in the garage, I have boxes of Padron 4000’s and La Aurora #1 Preferidos, Camaroon wrapper of course, and enough toilet paper to wipe the asses of half the pork-eating heathens of the entire county; the vodka and beer are for bartering purposes only, they are not for me, I will barter them for food, oh yeah, food and water, I forgot to stock up on food and water, readying for this stupid apocalypse is like packing for a trip, you never take enough underwear, you leave your sunglasses on the mantle, and you have a full week of Aunt Betty drilling pie recipes and stories of how Uncle Cecil destroyed a whole Japanese platoon with just a bayonet and a pocket knife into your head like she had a pneumatic hammer drill that she was determined to drill clear through your head and pop out on the other side of the globe, and have another go at the enemy, and you left a brand new bottle of tranquilizers on the kitchen shelf because your wife kept nagging you to hurry up and get going, I gotta cut this short and head out to the all night grocery, there are no all night groceries, well, I’ll just sit back and have another beer and vodka, I hope this apocalypse thing happens soon and gets over with, the suspense is killing me, at this rate I won’t last to see the whole world blow up, I’d hate to have lived this long in this stinking ghetto, and not live to see the whole thing incinerated, well, Paulie sends his undying apocalyptic love out to the world, some of you better duck, shalawam…

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