An Electric Brain, Smoky Bourbon, And The New Binary Nerds

July 29, 2020 Diary entry: Hey! I got my electric brain on you and it is powered up big time, if you don’t back off, I will think you clear into the next dimension, or hell, or somewhere worse, don’t ever test me again! Oh, hello, I didn’t see you there, come on in, we were just sittin’ around jawin’ about our day, have a seat, we’ll open another bottle, whew, is the earth still spinning at 1400 miles per hour, or did it just speed up, can someone go on the internet and check it, I gotta know, try mynye,com, or maybe that black kid, what’s his name, Neil Gassy Bison, yeah, he was the one who said the wobble was increasing, I think he was right; now who the hell is bothering me at this hour, “No”! “I do not want a new steel roof!”, “Get out of my office!”, “If you ever come back, my dogs will be having your liver for supper!”, anyway, the reason I have called this meeting is to discuss the events that are changing our lives, number one, since our pool table has been repossessed, we are cancelling this months pool tournament, number two, we are changing our liquor distributor, our last bunch of Three Paws Bourbon tasted like it was aged in charred steel barrels for eight hours inside a barn fire, it screams “I can’t breathe”, and I can’t breathe when I sip it, number three, the death threats are not abating, please try to write more soft mainstream stuff, stuff like maybe basic home repair for the jelly-ass fools who can’t tell a neoprene o-ring from the ring their wife has through their nose, the guy whose neighbors always say “God, your wife must be the stupidest woman in the world”, oh, that reminds me, there is a new thing going viral on social media about BiNerds, Binary Nerds, or BINS for short, it’s not really viral, I just made it up, but I’m hoping it catches on, a BiNerd is a person who believes NASA’s solar system model, while concurrently believing in the “Wobble Earth” theory, Wobble Earth theorists say the reason the earth wobbles so much is because it’s core is made from jello, a high technology Chinese exploratory team drilled what they called a “deep hole in the ground”, and they came up with core samples of jello, and since the hole was dug in China, the jello they dug up was red, it was reported that the flavor was cran/straw/cherry/berry delight, well, this meeting is canceled, it’s time we adjourn to the break room for drinks, smokes, and jokes, the whole gang sends love and good wishes to all, shalawam…

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