A Pretty Lady, A Familiar Face, And A Squirrel That Drives Your Car

July 19, 2020 Diary entry: Wat up dogs, just sittin’ round the crib chillin’ agin, that’s what we call our house out here in the Midwest, our “crib”, we are in the very heart of corn country, we are the Heart of Gold, Corn Gold, within the desolate nation known as Babylon, anyway, I really made a fool of myself yesterday at the bar, I asked the lady bartender if she had an ice cold root beer, she said “oh god” and exhaled like she was trying to blow boogers out of her nose, I was so embarrassed, she was pretty too, anyway, I’m better than all the other guys she smiles at, who all have one foot in the dangerous jungle, and the other foot in Fairy Land, they all chew on stubby cigars in front of the ladies, but they are serious lollipop suckers in private, anyway, have you ever known a person who had one of those faces you swear you’ve seen before, you know, very familiar, I had that kind of face as a kid, whenever someone saw a person put dog crap on a porch stoop, cat crap in a mailbox, or slice a golf ball through a broken window, and they tried to finger me, I would say that I have one of those familiar faces that remind you of someone else, anyway, yesterday at the bar, a kindly old drunken man at the end of the bar was friendlier to Paulie than the lady bartender, he told me a joke and I’ll pass it along, “How do you know the squirrel who lives in your bushes has been driving your car”? “The seat is all the way up”, “You see the ground in the rear view”, “There is a Greatest Nuts Of The Seventies CD in the player”, and “There are little drops of what look like chocolate on the seat”, oh, and “There are acorn shells all over your floor mats”, and “He drops the keys in the driveway because they are too heavy for him to carry to the house”, well, Paulie is going to wrap this up and head back down to the bar and ask that lady bartender for something that will really knock her socks off, okay then, I bid you all much peace and love, may your light burn brighter with each passing day, shalawam…

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