My State Of The Union-Indiana

June 20, 2020 Diary entry: Hey everybody, Paulie here, Paulie is sick and tired of the other states in the union running down our mostly backward mundane state of Indiana, Paulie doesn’t like you other states, you and your big cities, your opera houses, and your fancy restaurants where tuxedo-wearing waiters dab your snot and offer you a clean undergarment because you eat dirty snails and sea creatures who have their most personal parts still attached, we here in Indiana may be slow and backward, but we don’t have to back in to the outhouse, Paulie calls all you other 49, or 50, or however many of you there are, states, dirty vermin, you don’t respect the Jewel Of The Midwest, our ways may not be as yours, but we are a proud people, we do things the old tried and true old-fashion way, we don’t need or want your opera houses and restaurants, we just want to be left alone, please stop the insult onslaught, “We can’t breath”, don’t make us remove our masks because you won’t like it if we do, Paulie has no intention of stirring up more chaos, but when Indianians are pushed, we push back, you can forget about virus demonstrations, you can forget about BLM riots, the good people of Indiana are rising up with lanterns and pitchforks, we have taken the last joke about how we don’t need scarecrows in our cornfields because our women are so ugly they scare the rats away, we are sick of the continual “Why do Indianians pick their butts”, “Because the corn isn’t ripe yet”, I say “No more”, “Enough is enough”, anyway, come back tomorrow because I’m going to reveal the dirty underbelly of the Perry Mason Show, the shady relationship between Perry and Hamilton Burger, and why it is you never see Della and Paul Drake in the same scene, just a hint, they are both the same person, well, the dogs are barking and my martini glass is dry, please allow Paulie to wish you love, may you all find peace during these most unrestful days, shalom…


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