The Not So Sweet Truth About Mrs. Butterworth

June 18, 2020 Diary entry: There has been much discussion over the sudden fall of Aunt Jemima recently, let me tell you about the rise of Mrs. Butterworth, as I got to know her quite well; it was back in the late 60’s, I was on a bad LSD trip and I spent fourteen hours huddled inside a cardboard box arguing with Mrs. Butterworth over whether black was a color, Mrs. Butterworth was a very contrary woman, I asked her if there was a Mr. Butterworth and she told me he had reached the end of his shelf life years ago and expired, his end was a sad one, he had felt that the world had used him up and discarded him, anyway, Mrs. Butterworth’s fame was built on a lie, her rise to the top of the pancake syrup industry was one of backbiting, backroom deals, and a front for prostitution, Mrs. Butterworth was a West Hollywood hooker who was discovered by a talent scout from one of the big pancake syrup firms from out east who was in L.A. for the annual pancake syrup convention at the Continental Hotel which was in close proximity to where Mrs. Butterworth plied her trade; her whole folksy persona was a falsehood contrived by suit-wearing cigar-smoking middle aged men in the boardroom, the story about her being born in a log cabin in Vermont is an outrageous malfeasance of the truth, Mrs. Butterworth was born in Bergen Norway and her real name is Oleo Swenson, she immigrated to Europe’s Black Forest region where she worked as a cook’s helper, serving up breakfasts to hungry lumber jacks at one of the big lumber firms out there, well, after several years, she got deported and wound up in the states where she drifted from one job to another until she got her big break, her rise to fame was as ugly as it was sweet, she told me that she had known Elvis, Elvis was one of her regular johns and that is why he put on so much weight, well, there is much in this world that has been concealed from the ignorant public, but with grit and determination, Paulie will set the record straight, so let me leave you with this well-known quote, “Look, I knew Aunt Jemima, and you, Mrs. Butterworth, you are no Aunt Jemima””, shalawam everybody, shalawam…

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