Paulie’s Drinking Problem, Buzz Aldrin’s Tequila Addiction, And The Sinking Titanic

May 11, 2020 Diary entry: One quick thing before we close up The Diary for good, Paulie has made many references to drinking alcohol-type beverages, his margaritas that were made with pickle juice and tequila, extra salt on the rim of the pickle jar, his most special Skunk In The Hole cocktails that old Mrs. Henderson found quite intoxicating, his early morning cocoas with gin and a candy cane stirrer, his vodka straight from the empty bean can, etc, anyway, the truth of the matter is, Paulie has a sensitivity to alcohol and he mustn’t drink, he has a reaction to alcoholic drinks and when he indulges, he begins to swear at people and he tells jokes that “insult a decent person’s sensibilities”, when Paulie drinks, he becomes a teacher by default, because deep down, Paulie is a teacher, but Paulie’s students are a mixed bunch of idiots who still think George Washington never lied, Abe Lincoln was honest, and that the gin-soaked Buzz Aldrin walked on the moon, maybe Buzz isn’t so much a liar, but more of a drunken fool who actually thought he went to the moon one night after free beer and tacos at the Conqueso Mexidad Bar and Grill where the tequila is billed as the finest in Juarez County, who knows what idiocy lurks in the minds of men, anyway, a little heads up about the new late night lady bartender down at Joe’s Uptown Bar and Grill, she’s not really a devout Mormon like she says she is, one of our Hindustani writers found that out the hard way, she’s more like a slow-witted Irish Catholic with a Belfast attitude, her revolutionary attitude towards the customers is quite pronounced, she’s a little heavy on the brogue if you know what I mean, well, it’s time to close the office door for the night one more time, Paulie has no more lead in his pencil, the inkwell has dried up, and rumor has it that writing will soon be a thing of the past anyway, the government is gonna just start beaming what we need to know directly into our brains so we won’t even have to think, we will be simple receiving antennae anxiously awaiting our daily feed, you know, like dogs wait on their master to toss a half-chewed piece of gristle on the floor from the table, and they are so grateful that they do a cute little trick to try to please their benevolent owner, oh how far the human race has sunk, can people sink any farther, maybe the story of the sinking Titanic was meant as a symbol of what was to become of us because we trusted and loved our government, who knows, well, I see that the World Countdown Clock on the wall says two seconds ’til midnight, so I will get out of here and let the people of the world observe a moment of silence for whatever reason they may have, this has been Paulie, shalom…


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