Mickey’s Bunt, My Accountant, And The Old Hindu Man

May 14, 2020 Diary entry: Hi, this is Paulie, the man with the big word can, I want you all to sit down and listen up or I’ll open up my big can of words and lay some of my biggest and best ones on you like Mickey Mantle laid down that bunt in the big game that made fools of the whole San Francisco infield, I’ll pull out my best long sqiggley, tail-wagging words, and I’ll slap them on you like you were a warm water trout who took the wrong turn from the cold fast running brook and ended up migrating down the stagnant sewers of Paris, I got no time for daydreaming fools today, there is much to do in these last days, and time is quickly running out, first off, we will be drawing the grand prize winners of our last and final raffle, our three big winners will be honored during the usual Spring Banquet which is held the last week of May, if you still haven’t got your tickets, don’t wait any longer, we are almost sold out and we won’t be printing any more; after we oversold last year’s banquet and people complained about their seating arrangements in the parking lot, we decided it was best to count how many inside seats we would have available, and link tickets sales to available seats; “Hello?”, “Yes, this is Paulie”, I’m sorry, I have to take this call, it’s from my accountant, listen Fenster, I’m not in the mood for any more of your excuses, I’ll reach down your throat and unzip your spleen and pull out the first nickel you ever made, I’ll empty your change purse like it was chicken-gutting day on the farm, go get on your little pink bicycle and pedal down here to my office like a big girl, and bring my file along with you, we’re gonna talk; I’m sorry, I’m having a bit of a problem with my accountant, he’s my wife’s brother, what can I do, he needed help so I took him in, now where were we, I believe I was just in the middle of telling you about a kid I knew back in the neighborhood, it was during a most distressing time, the neighborhood was in an uproar over some perceived problem about mud balls on houses, sheds, and garages; we had gone down by the river confluence to consult with the only man who could help us, the old Hindu guy who had a pet snake he kept in a picnic basket, he lived down by the confluence in a modest dwelling, and he was always available to help kids who were about to go on the run because of unfounded accusations, innuendo, and just plain orneriness on behalf of half-crazed residents who couldn’t just hose off their houses and move on, well, this meeting has gone beyond it’s scheduled time, I’ll leave you all with a quote from my old Hindu friend, “Beware the fire that burns hot and has a bottom that is far off”, words to live by, okay, this is Paulie, wishing you a good rest of your day, shalom…

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