Make Paulie’s Home Your Home

May 15, 2020 Diary entry: Well hello, come on in, grab a seat and I’ll be with you in a moment, one thing, don’t ever tell the guy that runs the fruit stand down on Fremont Street to grab a seat, just a heads up; now, what did you want to see me about, you must have some kind of a problem or you wouldn’t be here, has life got you down, do your little problems ruin the fun you used to have, does your future look like a big potful of crap, is your whole life in the toilet, well, you have come to the right place, here, take this delightful little aperitif, sit back and relax, we’ll flush those old cares of yours away like they were frightened quail fleeing a hungry coyote, I’ll call a few of my staff in over the intercom to ask you a few simple questions and evaluate you, I’m sure we can tailor-fit a program that will suit your needs, we have a standard release form here for you to sign, don’t worry, it’s just a formality, we haven’t been sued in this state yet, I really think we can help you, we have an abundance of programs that we can try out on you, one of them will surely do some good, here is a list of testimonials from former sufferers like yourself, don’t be alarmed by the fact that most of them are institutionalized, they were down and outer’s before we even met them, now let’s get you scheduled for some in-depth interviews with our skilled counselors who will rattle some sense into your BB-filled head, they will shake your maraca head to a catchy south-of-the-border beat that will have you hummin’ in no time; as soon as you write out a check we can get started, I’ll head on down to the bank, then it’s my lunch time, these gentlemen will get you started on your new life while I soak up martinis until I’m soggy and the new lady bartender down at Joe’s has to dry me out because she’s an ex lifeguard who has some life-saving moves that you’ve never heard of, her name is Florita De Corales, and she just came up from Florida to our homey little Midwestern state to meet the man they call Paulie, well, tell all your loser friends to come visit us here, we may be able to turn them into winners if they aren’t too far gone, this is Paulie, shalom…

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