From The Hollywood Hills To The Midwest Plains

May 15, 2020 Diary entry: Paulie would like to relate his qualifications to those of you who have been questioning his authority to write as he does, Paulie was a trained professional, he is a Doctor of BS, not that BS, Paulie is a Doctor of Beautician Services, he graduated with honors and began a lucrative career out in Hollywood during the early years when many of the well-known stars were first coming up, Paulie provided beautician service to all the top money makers of the biggest production companies of the time, I went to all the parties that were held on the Strip, I attended the award shows, and many Hollywood celebrities claimed that I was the life of the Hollywood Hills, I had begun to fly high when I was no older than a new-born hair dresser who didn’t know the difference between a rinse and a full-on dye job, I was in demand, I had to turn down job offers because there weren’t enough hours in the day to do curls, perms, and the new platinum bleach jobs that all the biggest stars desired, I practically owned Hollywood, I had a good used car, a little studio apartment, and access to the major film studios where I plied my trade like a drunken sailor plies the bartender for one more drink before closing time, I was a hot property, I was burning like a hot comet burns through the sky on a hot summer night, the world was mine, and I was devouring it like it was free popcorn shrimp on All The Beer You Can Drink Night, my world was good, all my needs were met, and then some, and then, an unfortunate thing happened, I had invented a new type of conditioner and I was eager to use it without the proper testing procedures, I was over confident in my new product and when I used it on several big stars who were starring in block buster movies, their hair all fell out and I was black balled from ever working in Tinseltown again, I packed up my beautician supplies and I caught a bus to Topeka Kansas where I opened up a beauty shop and gave discount Cut-and-Curls to the local farmer’s wives who wanted a Set-and-Perm from a once-well-known Hollywood perm provider whose fingers had run through the hair of the rich and famous, anyway, that’s how I became the general advisor and writer that I am today, these farmer’s wives do a lot of talking while sitting under the dryer and I heard tales that you would never believe, these ladies spoke of the things that go on after dark in the Midwest, and let me tell you, farmers and their wives are not the innocent aw shucks kind of square dancing squares you think they are, when the sun goes down, Old McDonald comes up with some stuff that would blow your minds, it’s still like the free-wheeling sixties out there in the Plains States, free drugs, free music, and free love, granted, the music is polka stuff, the drugs are more like cod liver oil and foot powder, but the other is basically the same wherever you go, well, it’s very late in the evening and it’s past time that I hit the hayloft, I gotta rise at the crack of dawn to milk the sows and do all the rest of the chores before breakfast, then I will sit down and relate how I once taught Fidel Castro how to style his beard so that people would remember him as more than a simple revolutionary who looked like he had just crawled out of the jungle, and instead be known as a man with a flair for stylish good looks, well, this is Paulie, saying good evening and shalom everybody…

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