Paulie World Has All Been Fake

May 10, 2020 Diary entry: This is Paulie, returned from his undisclosed location, one of my most trusted employees at Paulie Gee’s Realtime Diary has summoned me after he found some discrepancies in several of our past diary entries, we have come to the realization that we have been passing false information on to our readers for quite some time, we are truly sorry and repentant for our behavior, and we are going to take the only corrective action available to relieve this most bitter condition we find ourselves in, we have decided to shut down production, this whole thing is nothing but a fake puppet show, our fate has fallen upon us as we struggle hopelessly with tangled and knotted strings, we can no longer dance on the world puppet stage; as we look back, we see clearly that nothing here has been real, we truly believed we had made it to that great mountain in the distance, we wrongly believed we could dance upon the mountain, and we convinced others that we were something we weren’t, Paulie is nothing but a sham, Paulie is all lies and deception, and he perpetrated his deceptions on a loving and trusting world, Paulie is nothing but a fake cog on the fake gear that turns this fake world, all Paulie’s diary entries have been nothing but bold lies, Paulie never got lost in the high desert country of Oregon where a small hunting party found him on the verge of death and they fed him roasted ravens off their campfire, Paulie never pee’d off the roof of the old Grand Hotel downtown on passersby on the sidewalk below in the rain because when it was raining they didn’t look up, that was a blatant lie, Paulie would never be on the roof of the Grand Hotel because he is afraid of heights, Paulie gets dizzy when he stands on a chair to change a light bulb, when Paulie was little, he never met a cute little Ukrainian girl, and he never took her to a small chateau down the railroad track by an abandoned trestle that was a burnt out railway maintenance shed, and there never was any phone call to her father who was high up in Ukrainian politics, no deals, no quid pro quo’s, no nothing; Paulie’s brother never taught him that keeping a dead snake in his bed would protect him from the Dream Snatcher, Paulie’s parents never hid his Easter eggs on the railroad track, in fact, Paulie grew up in a family of Amish missionaries who left the lush fields of Western Pennsylvania, to travel to the inner city of Detroit Michigan to teach people the joys of country life, no, that’s not true either, that’s another lie, also, Paulie never spent Halloween night locked in a house with starving mad dogs after their owner died, the old man with the mad dogs and the frozen scowl on his face that lived in the last house on the block was just another made-up story that never happened, an elderly widow lived in that house, and she never did anything interesting to write about, Paulie takes full responsibility for his deceitful actions; those here at Diary Headquarters who were unfortunately dragged in to this fiasco are not to be held responsible, it was I, Paulie, who conjured up this whole deviant scheme that has caused delusion and lies to influence innocent people, Paulie is a nothing who wanted to be a something, Paulie isn’t even a Jenny Craig fart during typhoon season, Paulie imagined himself to be the thundering fart from the great grizzly bear after he had devoured an entire rotten antelope carcass in one sitting, and so, this whole worthless facade must be torn down and tossed onto the scrapheap of history and burnt with fire until nothing remains and it is no longer brought to mind, forgotten like all things and all people that ever were, are forgotten, and lie buried under the sands of time; the world and it’s lifespan is so much larger than I had thought it was, which makes me smaller than I thought I was, no, that great shining mountain in the distance is unreachable, I know that now, Paulie will never dance on it’s peaks, Puppet Paulie will never dance again, Paulie and his small but tenacious band of troops will never march on this massive world and conquer it, we know that now, the earth is too big, and time travels too long, we were fireflies who thought that the heavens were lit by our pitiful dull glow, the stars in the heavens look down upon us and they shake their heads at our weaknesses which we believed were strengths, what was this whole thing for anyway, it seems like a big cruel cosmic joke played on us because we were such fools, well, the writers are all up in the pod room packing up their little crap to get out of here, I hear a few religious zealots arguing down in the break room, I’m heading down to Personnel to see if our employee’s records have all been destroyed yet, then it’s back to the office for the usual five o’clock smoke and martini, where I recollected fake memories in the smoke-filled office, like the fake memory of lying in the sweet-smelling springtime grass while a pretty girl picked dandelions and put them in my hair, that never happened, the only thing a pretty girl ever put in my hair was bubblegum, and the time I saved a baby from the speeding bus, and the young mother was so thankful that she invited me back to her mansion and treated me to a gourmet meal prepared by her private chef, that never happened, well, as I sit in my dark desolate office, I gaze into the smoke, and I see a young Paulie, he’s riding a blood-stained white horse, and he’s carrying the head of the man who had been terrorizing a beautiful young princess who declared her unflinching love to Paulie, the bravest soul she had ever known, well there I go again, I’m gonna cut this off and say simply, shalom world…


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