You Shouldn’t Have Done It

May 9,2020 Diary entry: Hello you sick freak, I am pleased to admit you today to Paulie’s Hospital for the Hopelessly Insane, you have been reportedly seen going around town wearing a silly mask and you are manifesting a phobia of being too close to those around you, you are very sick indeed, but your all-white-attired attendant, Paulie, will lead you to your soft comfy room that has nice pillows on the walls so you don’t hurt yourself, and we will dress you in your lounging pajamas, we want you to be comfortable during your stay, don’t worry that your canvas smock doesn’t have arms in it, sleeves in garments are so passe, don’t you think, and who needs two pants legs these days, people overcompensate too much, austerity can be a good thing, now I am pleased to announce that Paulie gives medical treatment the old fashioned way, and yes, that means you will have your temperature taken QID in the only reliable way, why is your mouth open, that’s not where the thermometer is going, oh well, you’ll learn the routine, don’t worry about that; well now look, take that disappointed and worrisome look off your face, you never should have started wearing those masks and become scared of human contact, you brought this all on yourself, you are experiencing what we medical professionals call “Following the dumb ass crowd”, you follow dumb asses, you become a dumb ass, simple as that, and you begin doing crazy-ass stuff, and you end up here, under your supervisory attendant Paulie, who will patiently and lovingly bring you into some semblance of a semi-right mind, or he will slap a little bit of sense into you like your face is ablaze and he’s trying to put it out without water, now let’s get you settled in and I’ll bring you a special medicine that will have you feeling better next Wednesday when you finally wake up, well, this is Attendant Paulie, behind the nursing station on Psych Ward Two, toasting all his loved ones in the world, wherever you are, with two Librium’s and a large decaf Sanka, shalom..


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