Woo, Woo Woo Whoooo

Jan 30, 2020 Diary entry: We were about forty miles from the border, the night was darker than usual, the campfire smoked like a demented Chinese emporium owner whose back room opium den was the finest in town, we were conversing about life in general when there was a sound out of the night, “Woo woo woo whoooo”, I froze up as fear gripped me in a claw hold within my very bowels like that old moose head wrestler from Moose Head Maine did to the scientific wrestler Wilbur Snyder, back before wrestling was rigged, it sounded like my wife, how did she ever track me this far, the chilling sound echo’ed through the dark forest again, “Woo woo woo whoooo”, there is a saying in these parts, “When the wife tracks you this far, you’re dead”, as my chest tightened and my bowels loosened, I had an eerie feeling like there was something very important that I forgot to do, a New Testament bible verse came to mind, Paul 6:16, where Jesus says “You better worship me motherfucker”, “Don’t force me to preach to you in hell”, yeah my friend, when the trail gets loose and the wife is tight on your scent, maybe it’s time to face facts, you’re done, your little camping trip with the boys is cooked like last night’s fish you caught in the river that turned out to be not a fish at all but you ate it anyway because that is what camping is all about, well, this is Paulie, down by the riverbank, whispering softly so as to not scare the fish, shalom, to the rest of you, Paulie softly whispers “Go to hell”…oh, hang on , Paulie has a joke he heard around the campfire last night, “How do you tell a Chinese from a North Korean?”, answer, “The North Korean denies he’s a Chinese”, don’t think too hard about this one, some of these jokes are funny one time, but they don’t work twice, they are like a Band Aid that works once but you don’t want to use it again, well, one more time, shalom…

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