Happy Fake New Year

Diary entry: Hey, it’s Paulie, I suppose I should say something about the new year since everyone will be celebrating the fake New Year’s Day on the fake Roman calendar that the whole world follows, Paulie knows the year doesn’t begin in the winter, he knows the exact spring day the true Rosh Hashannah falls on and he’s not telling anyone, when Paulie is given a bright shiny apple, he keeps it safely hidden inside his backpack as he walks by the herd of pigs because they will devour a beautiful apple like it was a pile of shit, Paulie only removes his apple when he gets to the woods and finds a stump to sit on, and as Paulie eats his apple, he is quite willing to share with any approaching woodland animal who recognizes the beauty of a beautiful thing, besides, people don’t give a shit why they even need to know the first day of the year, let them wallow in blissful ignorance, I won’t wake them from their dream, anyway, I guess maybe I should make a fake New Year’s resolution on this fake New Year’s Eve, like not trying so hard to please everyone in that obsessive way I have to appease my need to make friends that will love me, now most people say I hate people but that’s not true, I really do love them but it is a sick, twisted, convoluted type of love like that monster in the movies that loves the girl but he ends up squashing her when she tells him she only loves him as a friend, sometimes there is a hazy line between hatred and love, the two become mixed together into a crazy amalgamation, a stew if you will, of the need to please as you spit out all the resentment and bile that has built up over the years, it’s like barfing up your steak and baked potato dinner on passersby, it’s really a beautiful thing of love but it just isn’t pure anymore, it has become a bit tainted but you still want them to have it, anyway, my New Year’s resolution is to stop trying to please every asshole on the street, no more Mr. Nice Guy who greets everyone with a cheery “Good day” and a smile, I’ve always been a “people person” really, it’s just that most don’t recognize it, so if you begin to notice that Paulie doesn’t seem like his usual soft and huggable self in the days to come, please know that his love has gone soft for the world, but his love stands like the strongest steel for those whom he embraces with arms of iron, and he will never let go, shalom my loved ones, shalom, and I’ll see you on our real New Year’s Day…


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