Those Dumb Americans

Diary entry: Good morning, it has been said that Paulie rants on like an old corn farmer who continually has his overalls caught in the corn picker, people ask “Why can’t Paulie get a little farmer lady to tame him down some”, well, there were several farm ladies who had intended to take Paulie home with them but their ropes weren’t strong enough to keep Paulie in the wagon, anyway, we have received comments and questions from many different nations about the great island in the sea, America, where Paulie currently finds himself residing in, “What is it like there”, “Do you Americans see America differently than we see it in our foreign lands”, some of you aren’t entirely sure what to think of America, so Paulie will write a short note, curl it up, put it into a corked bottle, toss it in the water, and send it across the sea to wherever you are in the world, I’ll try to explain, there is much to say about “The land of the free and home of the brave” but I am too scared to say it out loud, Uncle Sam is nothing like your sweet Uncle Hubert who carried bubble gum in his pocket and always let you smoke a cigarette on the way to the movies, let’s see, America is like being in a packed movie theater where the dumbest most retarded movie is on the screen and you want to make loud fart sounds but you know that if you do, everyone in the place will throw their popcorn and drinks on you because to them the movie is the greatest story ever told, then when the love scene comes on and the cowboy takes his huge hat off and tells the lady “Yer purtier than a steer heifer in the moonlight”, you want to make loud barfing noises but you know if you do, you will be going home all wet and sticky with popcorn in your hair, being an American is kinda like that old movie from the early seventies where the Clockwork American who thinks too much and seems to be too rebellious for the norm, well, he gets his eyelids stuck open and he is forced to watch ridiculously dumb soap operas on the twenty four hour news channel over and over every day until they break him and he comes around to the right way of thinking, people here think Gilligan is a real sailor and the Skipper actually knows starboard from port and that the USS Minnow is an honest to goodness naval destroyer, well, it is Paulie’s sincerest wish that his little corked up bottle finds it’s way to those far away across the sea whom Paulie hopes to touch, this is Paulie wishing you all shalom…

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