Nuts, Nuts, Everywhere

Diary entry: Well, the holiday season will soon be upon us again, time for pecan pies, pralines, various pumpkin breads, and cookies, there is no shortage of nuts this year, the forest has really produced a bumper crop, it seems the fuckin’ nuts are falling from the sky in some kind of maniacal monsoon of morbid and moronic stupidity that goes against all that is called civilized or decent, to wit, Paulie was outside raking the leaves and empty beer cans out of the yard when two idiots approached and tried to sell Paulie home improvements of some kind, Paulie recognized them by the tee shirts they were wearing that had “Dipshit Sales Corporation” silk screened on them, these two might as well have had “Dumb Ass” tattooed across their foreheads, hang on, I’ve just been handed a paper describing a breaking news story, a story is breaking at this very moment concerning upheaval in progress out at the “Paulie Gee’s Realtime Diary” warehouse, it appears that religious war has broken out between the various sects and cults people here belong to, they are holding one hostage, we don’t have the hostage’s name but he is reported to be the young writer responsible for the Jesus cookie fiasco that has been a contentious thorn in our side these past weeks and months, there is no info on his condition but he had been forcibly removed from his pod and taken out to the parking lot to be stoned by one of our more orthodox religious cults, it seems the pea sized parking lot gravel didn’t work too well, he got more pebbled than stoned, that’s all we have for now, we will return as soon as new information comes in, this is Paulie here at “Diary” headquarters, we will be here all night providing updates as they come in, good night for now and always remember to keep your hopes high and your heads down, shalom…

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