Stealing From God

Diary entry: Hey everybody, Paulie here, Paulie wants to share with you the reason he hates church and all things religious, when Paulie was a very young boy, he was happy, content, and ready to take on the world as if it were Grandma’s Sunday chicken dinner and little Paulie was the starving farmhands called in from the field, little Paulie was the proverbial “monkey on a peanut”, well, it was the late fifties, early sixties, little Paulie’s mother would give him a nickle or a dime every Friday or Saturday and she would say “This is for the church collection plate on Sunday”, “Don’t spend it”, well, little Paulie was an avid collector in those days and every week he would take his church offering and buy baseball cards, anyway, they would pass the collection plate, and having no money, little Paulie, put in baseball cards, and one Sunday right after the service, the big guy in charge, he was big, ugly, and he wore this dress thing that looked like the smock Grandma wore when she dusted, he bent over little Paulie and said “You are stealing from God”, “God doesn’t like little bastards who steal from him”, well, I must say that the guilt was deep and long lasting, little Paulie had his first sense of impending doom thrust upon him, the guilt over spending God’s money on baseball cards was bad enough but what made matters so much worse was the fact that Paulie gave God the crappy players… You know, I could never figure out how that big guy in the dress got all the money to God, and why God would need it anyway, if God needed money, why wouldn’t he just print up a bunch of it, well, no one in church ever asked, so I didn’t either, this is Paulie, asking the hard questions after a life lived in fear, shalom… I sometimes wonder if that big guy didn’t take some of the money himself and buy more dresses, well I guess that’s a question for the ages, again, shalom…

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