Rude Rage

Diary entry: Drivers these days, they are all angry, they drive their dumb ass vehicles like they were all Buzz Aldrin blasting off to some damn distant galaxy far, far away, and if he doesn’t get there quick with his wife’s favorite coffee creamer, he is gonna get reamed out good, anyway, there outta’ be some city department that can come out and put rubber hats on these drivers, their brains are oozing, drivers are so angry, the other day a bus driver got out of his bus, came over to Paulie and threatened to kick his ass, yeah, and get this, Paulie wasn’t driving at the time, Paulie wasn’t even on the road, no, Paulie was simply sitting in a lawn chair in his front yard when this bus driver slammed on his brakes, got out and screamed at Paulie, all Paulie did was throw a beer can at his stupid bus… Diary entry: Well, it was bound to happen, “Paulie Gee’s Realtime Diary” has turned into a large corporation and Paulie is angry, Paulie sees the people on the bottom doing all the work, and the lard asses at the top only sit behind desks with their feet up, drinking scotch and bitching about the little guys, well, Paulie has had it, Paulie is gonna turn this thing upside down, Paulie is gonna shake the goddamned lint out of the pockets, Paulie declares on this day, “I am the house cleaner”, Paulie will take up his iron broom and sweep this thing clean, Paulie’s broom sweeps both ways, Paulie will divide his house, Paulie will swing his heavy iron broom and it will divide the chicken hawks from the chicken shits, Paulie will gather his chicken hawks together, and the chicken shits will flee, Paulie will not call security, Paulie is gonna escort these lard ass chicken shits out the door personally… turn in your key and your little shit and get the fuck out… Diary entry: Paulie tries hard to impress his new neighbors, he doesn’t care about the old ones, they already know Paulie, Paulie says “sorry neighbors”… Diary entry: Shankman’s auntie, the one who looked just like Shankman’s dad, she threw a crazy knuckle ball but she always said she was more of a screw baller… Diary entry: Oh god, is it just me or are people using the middle finger a lot more these days, I see it everywhere I go… Diary entry: Shankman’s dad, or auntie, I still play golf with Shankman’s dad, or auntie, his age has slowed him down, he can’t hit the fairways as he once could but his jokes are as funny as they ever were, but I gotta say, when a guy gets to be eighty nine years old and he is always chewing on a cigar, maybe he should give up the dress and the woman’s wig… Diary entry: A misty night, thick fog, Panda Express, a man with a fur hat entered the establishment, a man who looked strangely familiar, who was this man with the fur hat and why was he here this night, this night of all nights, it seemed Paulie was being followed by death itself, death wearing a fur hat, death manifested in an Oriental man with a fur hat or was it simply something else, a pretty, dark haired Oriental lady brought Paulie another Saki, she softly spoke words I could not understand but I nodded knowingly, in an approving way, this night felt different, different than any other night, it seemed more real, or unreal maybe, could it just be my imagination, or was some awful thing about to bust loose, this crazy inquiry into murder that began so long ago, was this high speed chase about to end in some fiery collision, Paulie felt as if he were skidding towards the guardrail… Diary entry: Paulie found out he was using the wrong Chinese word for “squid”, Paulie apologizes… Diary entry: Unless you’ve seen a man get his head beat to mush with a sandbag, don’t come bitching to Paulie about your little fairy ass life problems… well, night fell upon the land several hours ago, it is now very late, so Paulie takes this opportunity to say to all, before he heads to bed, shalom to all whom Paulie loves, again, good night and shalom…


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