The Wild Life

Diary entry: Ha uunk, ha uunk, excuse me, Paulie has a fish bone caught in his throat, yes, Paulie caught a fish on his wilderness excursion last week, not sure what kind of fish it is, but it was edible, I guess it was, Paulie ate it, anyway, please excuse Paulie while he drinks some lemon juice in a large martini… Diary entry: Paulie received a very shocking letter today in the mail, the government says they have no record that any Paulie ever existed, he is not in their files anywhere, according to the government, there is no Paulie, and hence, no record of Paulie means no Paulie, so where does this leave Paulie, well, if Paulie no longer exists, then he doesn’t have to go to the in-laws’ yearly reunion which is always a disaster that ends in a brawl and the cops come out and arrest several uncles for God knows what, the feeling of being completely anonymous is intoxicating, when people sneer at me on the street from now on, I can shout at them “Your sneer missed me, I’m invisible”, “Here’s an invisible hand gesture”… Diary entry: Please allow Paulie to be clear about the previous “Diary” entry, the hand gesture Paulie referred to is not the one you are probably thinking of, no, this particular gesture was taught to Paulie many years ago out on the plains by a wise old man, we were encamped this side of the Rockies, it was late summer, early fall, there were only two of us that used the gesture whenever the prairie dogs got into the tent, yeah, prairie dogs in the tent means an empty corn chip bag and an empty corn chip bag means no breakfast, Paulie is the only person alive who knows the meaning of this particular gesture, the old man is dead and Paulie is not talking…

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